How to Manage a Child with ADHD Over the Holidays: Tips for Parents with ADHD

If you’re a parent with ADHD raising a child who is also neurodivergent, the holidays can sometimes feel like walking a tightrope. There’s the excitement of the holidays, but also the very real possibility of stress, meltdowns, and overwhelm. As a clinical psychologist, I’ve seen many parents struggle to keep plans on track while managing their own ADHD symptoms at the same time as their child’s. When routines go out the window and life get busy, sensory overload can set in, and everyday tasks can feel overwhelming (for everyone). It’s also easy to feel isolated when others don’t see the extra effort you put in to keep everything and everyone on track.

The strategies parents use to help manage a child with ADHD over the holidays are often just as necessary for yourself. Holidays can magnify challenges with planning, time management, emotional regulation, and transitions. Here are some practical tips (with concrete examples) that may be helpful.

1. Day-to-Day Tips to Help Neurodivergent Families Manage the Holidays

Clear Instructions and Visual Reminders

Clear Instructions

When things get chaotic, I always recommend going back to clear, step-by-step directions. Instead of a general directive like “Clean your room,” try the more specific “Put your toys in the toybox, and then make your bed.” This kind of instruction is much easier for kids to process. Many parents tell me they use the same approach for themselves: “Find the wrapping paper, then wrap the present.” It’s a small shift, but it can make the difference between starting a task and feeling overwhelmed.

Visual Reminders:

• Hang a picture chart by the door showing each step for getting ready in the morning: brushing teeth, getting dressed, packing a backpack. I’ve even seen older kids benefit from this kind of visual structure.

• Use a whiteboard or chalkboard in a common area to list daily tasks, with checkboxes for completion. Kids often love marking things off, and it gives a sense of accomplishment.

• Place sticky notes with simple instructions (“Feed the dog,” “Put shoes by the door”) in spots your child—and you—will see them. One parent told me she puts a sticky note on her phone as a reminder for medication.

• Create a schedule with images or symbols for each activity, such as a bed for bedtime or a plate for dinner. Kids can move a marker or clip as the day progresses.

• Use a visual timer (like a sand timer or countdown app) to show how much time is left before a transition, such as leaving for a activity or starting homework.

• For yourself, set phone alarms or digital reminders for tasks that tend to slip your mind. I know parents who set reminders for everything from moving the laundry to checking the oven.

Consistent Discipline: Essential for Children with ADHD

It’s tempting to let rules slide during the holidays, but most kids—and adults, to be honest—do better with structure and predictability. Keeping rules and consequences steady, even when everything else is uncertain, can provide a sense of security. Natural consequences (“If you don’t help set the table, you lose a turn choosing dessert”) are often more effective than punishment, and they feel less adversarial.

Tips for Parents with ADHD:

• Write down household rules and consequences so you can refer to them in the moment (some families keep a list on the fridge).

• Use reminders for yourself to follow through on discipline, especially when routines are disrupted.

Positive Reinforcement

Immediate, specific praise for desired behaviors is one of the most powerful tools we have. “I like how you started your homework right away” is much more motivating than a generic “Good job.” Reward systems can be especially helpful when both parent and child have ADHD, as they provide structure and external motivation.

Examples of Positive Reinforcement:

• Privilege Menus: Let your child earn choices: what’s for dinner, which movie to watch, inviting a friend over, or extra time for a favorite hobby. I encourage parents to make a menu for themselves too: a favorite treat, a break, or time for an enjoyable activity after completing a task.

• Tiered Rewards: Certain behaviors unlock higher-level privileges. Completing a week of chores without reminders could mean a weekend outing; showing kindness at family gatherings might earn an extra “family pass” for a future event.

• Social/Emotional Reinforcement: Praise emotional skills (and be specific when you do so): “I saw you take a deep breath when you got frustrated,” or “You apologized after that argument. That shows real maturity.”

• Self-Monitoring Tools: Encourage your child to track their own progress with a journal, a goal board for sticky notes, or a kid-friendly app. Try a similar system for yourself: track small wins to stay motivated. Even crossing items off a to-do list can be rewarding.

• Family Recognition Rituals: Make appreciation part of your routine. Take a few minutes at dinner and have everyone share a small success from the day or something they appreciated.

• Experiential Rewards: Plan special outings, offer a “choose your adventure” day, or give extra time for a favorite project.

• Collaborative Problem Solving: Involve your child in designing their own reward system and check in together regularly to tweak goals and rewards. If you struggle to stay consistent, ask your child for ideas or reminders. They may enjoy helping you (plus they are likely to have great ideas).

2. Structured Routines Help Children (and Parents) with ADHD Manage the Holidays

Regular meal times, sleep schedules, and medication routines can anchor a family, even when the holidays get chaotic. For parents with ADHD, routines are just as essential and can help everyone remember what’s next and reduce decision fatigue.

Specific Examples:

• Meal Times: If dinner is usually at 6:00 pm, try to stick to that, even at relatives’ homes. If the schedule changes, give your child a heads-up: “Tonight, dinner is at 7:00, so let’s have a snack at 5:00.” Use a kitchen timer or phone alarm as a cue.

• Sleep Schedules: Keep bedtime routines consistent, even in new environments. Pack familiar pajamas, stuffed animals, or a bedtime book. Use a bedtime chart with pictures for each step.

• Medication Routines: Use a travel pill organizer and set phone reminders for medication times. Place a “medication reminder” card on the breakfast table or use a color-coded pill box.

• Visual Schedules: Make a daily schedule with pictures or words. For younger kids, use icons, graphics or photos for breakfast, getting dressed, leaving for Grandma’s, opening gifts, lunch, quiet time, dinner, and bedtime. Hang the schedule where everyone can see it and let your child move a marker or sticker as each activity happens.

• Advance Warnings for Transitions: Before leaving a party, give a heads-up: “In ten minutes, we’ll get our coats to leave.” Use a countdown timer or sand timer to help younger kids visualize time passing.

• Packing and Travel Routines: Use a checklist for packing (clothes, medications, comfort items, snacks) and review it together before leaving. Print or draw a packing list with pictures so your child can check off each item.

• Family Calendar: Use a large wall calendar to mark holiday events, travel days, and special activities. Let your child put stickers or draw pictures for events they’re excited about. For yourself, color-code events or use digital reminders.

3. ADHD and Holiday Activities

Simplify Events

Scaling back (fewer events, smaller gatherings, and sticking to familiar environments) can reduce stress. It’s absolutely okay to skip traditions that feel overwhelming. Focusing on what’s meaningful and letting go of the rest often brings more enjoyment and connection.

Tips for Parents with ADHD:

• Choose one or two traditions that matter most and let go of the rest.

• Use lists or visual schedules to keep track of events and commitments.

Schedule Breaks

Downtime is essential for kids and adults with ADHD. Even five minutes of quiet, a short walk, or a calm space to regroup can prevent meltdowns. Visual cues or timers can help kids know when breaks are coming.

Examples:

• Designate a quiet corner or room for breaks during gatherings. Some families bring a favorite blanket or headphones to help kids self-soothe.

• Set a timer for regular movement or relaxation breaks. I know families who use their phone alarm to remind everyone to pause and regroup.

• Use headphones or a favorite book as a signal for “quiet time.”

  
  

Maintain Structure and Routine Over the Holidays

Keeping daily rhythms steady (even while traveling or celebrating) helps everyone feel more secure. Checklists for packing, visual charts for the day’s events, and reviewing plans together each morning can help. Preparing kids for changes ahead of time makes a big difference.

For parents with ADHD:

• Review plans the night before and again in the morning.

• Use alarms, reminders, or enlist a partner to help keep routines on track.

4. People with ADHD Can Struggle with the Holidays

Managing Stress

Breaking big tasks into smaller steps and using lists can make things feel less overwhelming. When stress builds up, try reframing the situation, and remind yourself that perfection isn’t the goal. Celebrate small wins, even if the day doesn’t go as planned.

Examples:

• Write out your top three priorities each morning. This can help you focus on what really matters.

• Use sticky notes or phone reminders for tasks. One parent told me she puts a note on her coffee maker so she remembers to pack lunches.

• Reward yourself with a favorite activity after completing a challenging task. Even a few minutes of reading or a walk outside can be restorative.

Moments of Solitude

Brief breaks—a cup of tea, a walk, or just a few deep breaths—can help you recharge. If possible, carve out a small space at home for relaxation, even for a few minutes. Parents often tell me these moments help them feel more grounded.

Tolerance and Acceptance

No holiday goes exactly as planned. Setting expectations that feel doable and practicing self-compassion when things go off track can ease guilt or frustration. Notice what’s working, not just what’s missing.

For parents with ADHD:

• Remind yourself that it’s normal to forget things or get distracted, especially during busy times.

• Share your experiences with others who understand; you’re not alone.

Fostering Social Support

Connecting with supportive friends or family (even if just by text, phone, or video rather than in-person) can ease feelings of isolation. Simply sending a funny image or emoji that expresses how you feel can help when sent to the right friend (meaning one who understands and will empathize rather than one who will judge you).

Examples:

• Set up a text or chat group with friends who “get it.”

• Ask a trusted friend or partner to help with organization or reminders.

5. Lifestyle Tips to Help Neurodivergent Families Manage the Holiday Season

Physical Activity

Movement helps, whether it’s a walk, yoga, or a favorite sport. Regular activity decreases cortisol, the stress hormone, and can increase focus for kids and adults with ADHD.

Consistent Sleep Routines

Sleep is often disrupted during holidays. Try to keep bedtimes regular, limit screens before bed, and create a bedtime routine that is enjoyable by all. Even small adjustments (like no screen time right before bed) can help everyone rest better.

Mindfulness and Meditation

Mindfulness practices can be grounding, even if you only have a few minutes. One technique I often recommend is anchor breathing, where you combine breathing exercises with a physical anchor, such as holding a smooth stone or focusing on a visual point like a candle flame. This can help maintain attention and make mindfulness more engaging. Another favorite is the “Noticing Five Things” exercise. Pause for a moment and name five things you can see, four you can feel, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste. This sensory grounding technique is brief, practical, and can be done almost anywhere. It’s especially useful for busy parents and those with ADHD.

Tips for Parents with ADHD Over the Holidays:

• Use apps with short, engaging sessions. 

• Try different modalities (audio, video, or movement-based mindfulness) to see what feels most grounding and suits your personal style.

• Celebrate small successes. Consistency matters more than duration.

One Last Thought on ADHD and Holidays

If the holidays start to feel overwhelming, remember: even small changes, like taking a quick break, simplifying your schedule, or letting go of some expectations, can make things feel more manageable. Trust your instincts about what your family needs. You do not need to say yes to a party out of a sense of obligation. If attending would bring you more stress than joy, you can say no. The moments that families remember later are usually the small ones: laughing together over breakfast or finding an outrageously fluffy cat on a walk around a block, not how many parties were attended.