Permission to Do the Holidays Differently After Losing a Loved One

If you have lost a close family member, you might feel a mix of dread as the holiday season approaches. When someone you love is missing, expectations of celebration and joy can feel downright awful. You may find you need to do the holidays differently after the loss of a loved one.

Let me offer you something important:

You have permission to do the holidays differently this year.

Grief doesn’t follow a calendar, and it certainly doesn’t follow the rules of tradition. If the usual rituals—decorating, hosting, exchanging gifts—feel too painful, it’s okay to change things up. You might decide to travel, gather in a new way, or even skip some traditions entirely. 

Why is it okay to change your holiday plans?

Because your heart may need it.

Our homes and traditions are filled with memories, and sometimes those memories are simply too raw. Stepping away—going somewhere new, rearranging the day, or just saying “no” to certain expectations—can help you breathe and give you room to breathe.

Because creating new experiences can be meaningful.

Trying something different doesn’t mean you’re forgetting your loved one. Quite the opposite. You can use this time to honor their memory in ways that feel meaningful to you. Maybe you cook their favorite meal, play their favorite music, or visit a place that was special to them. You might light a candle in their honor, share stories about them, or do an activity they would have loved. These new rituals can help you feel close to your loved one, even as you move forward.

Because you deserve a break from expectations.

The holidays often come with pressure to “be okay” for others. It’s perfectly acceptable—healthy, even—to step away from those social obligations and give yourself space to feel whatever you’re feeling. You don’t have to perform or pretend.

Because healing happens in unexpected ways.

Sometimes, changing your environment or routine gives you the chance to reflect, connect, or find small moments of joy. These moments don’t erase your grief, but they can coexist with it, gently supporting your healing.

Above all, please remember:

There is no “right” way to do the holidays after loss. You have permission to listen to yourself, to choose what feels possible, and to let go of anything that doesn’t serve you this year. If you want to honor your loved one with a meaningful activity or visit a place that was important to them, do it. If you want to do something completely different, that’s okay too.

Candle representing the loss of a loved one